Norbo's Gore-May Burgers
- 1 pound of ground beef
- 1 small red onion
- maybe a cup of mushrooms or something
- 1 teaspoon garlic
- some quantity of olive oil
- avocado
- tomato
- maybe some lettuce if you like lettuce on burgers
- pepperjack cheese or whatever i guess
- salt
- pepper
- mayo if you like burgermayo,
- mustard if you like burgermustard,
- some form of buns that one would put burgers unto
- a not-crappy poke-thermometer that can measure temperature semiaccurately within a few seconds (don’t eat this ingredient)
cut up dat onion and mushrooms however much you want to
put some olive oil in a pan, probably a 12 inch one because you’re probably gonna have like four patties next to each other in it
put the onion-mushroom into the olive oil and get it simmerin, whisk it around now and again
cut up tomato
cut up avocado
cut up garlic into bits
take your beefpound, separate it into pieces that shall become your patties, maybe quarters. Squish and squatch them into patty shape- be advised that you want to squish them to a greater width than the final desired width, because they will shrink a lot while cooking
(are you remembering to whisk around your onion and mushrooms, do that)
dust some salt and pepper on the patties to taste, then flip em over, and do it again
put the diced garlic in the simmering onionmushroomoil, smoosh it around to warminess move onionmushroomgarlicoil off heat
now ready a pan for the patties (you can use the same pan as the onions/mushrooms, but you should try to get the vast majority of the non-oil out because the onion/garlic will burn the heck up if you leave it in the pan while cooking the burgers and it tastes bad) (if you don’t use the same pan, put a bit of olive or whatever oil in it)
turn up the heat on the patty-readied pan, and when hotted up, place the patties in (hopefully your pan is big enough to not overlap them because that causes variable cooking rates!)
after about ~2 minutes for quarterpounder patties, flip them over
put some buns in the toaster if you want toasted buns,
watch them patties, maybe flip them again a couple of times if they look to be in the flippin mood
stack a couple of patties and check their temperature with your not-crappy thermometer, if they be above 165 they probably done, don’t overcook them into pucks
(for thicker patties, longer cooking times gon be required)
using the buns and your hands and also the other ingredients, build the burger (obviously from a structural perspective it should go beef->cheese->onionmushroomgarlicmix->avocado->tomato->lettuce for optimal cohesion and anti-sliding properties, though chances are the avocados will induce a degree of non-ideal slipperiness- you may find interleaved tomato-avocado to be the easiest to handle) (if you’re really enterprising, consider weaving thinly cut avocado slices and tomatoes into a fine interlocked mesh, though your burger is probably going to get cold you weirdo)